The Elusive LTR

A few mornings ago I woke up hugging one of my pillows again (at least I wasn’t humping or punching it). As I lay there thinking about how long the other side of my bed has been empty I remembered a question that a good friend of mine had suggested that I take to The Shower Team.

His question was, “How do I line up better with a satisfying long-term relationship?” As I continued to cuddle my pillow it felt more and more relevant and so I did the only thing I could think of to do in that situation, with that topic fresh on my mind . . . I headed to the shower . . .

On this topic perhaps more than any other, the difficulty that you often experience is tied to the mixed messages—the competing or conflicting signals that you are offering on this subject in your experience. We have also observed that the longer you hang around on the planet, the more mixed your vibration or your signal about this becomes.

On the one hand you diligently and repeatedly declare your desire for a partner . . . and we know that your desire is genuine. We feel your sincere wish for companionship and passion and mutual enjoyment of your life with another. But on the other hand, you also tend to develop increasingly strong desires for independence and freedom and for living your life on your own terms.

In addition, you begin to create the equivalent of a shopping list for the mate that you want . . . as though you were ordering from a catalog . . . or you put a series of qualifiers in parenthesis around your statement of desire: “I want someone to share my life with but I don’t want that and I don’t want this and I don’t want that . . .“

You tend to approach this particular desire with an increasing specificity and with increasingly mixed feelings—to the point where it is no longer primarily the satisfaction of a relationship that you are focused upon but rather it is your concerns about the degree to which any relationship could actually meet your increasingly strict criteria. And in this as in so many of your stronger desires, you also tend to spend much more time noticing that it is not there than you spend in eager, delicious anticipation of it coming.

So—what to do? We are not suggesting that you give less thought to what you want or implying that you are being too picky or selective. What we are suggesting is that you give more time and more attention to enjoying your desire for a relationship than you typically spend questioning or fretting or analyzing that desire. Try to focus more deliberately on the joyful or playful or otherwise compelling aspects of being with someone. Instead of treating this as a puzzle or a riddle or a problem to be solved, approach it as a game you enjoy playing or a movie that you like to watch over and over.

What we are really encouraging you to do is to begin living now as though what you want were already present. “But how can that be?” You might ask. “How can I live my life now the way I would if I were happily partnered?” And we say, “Well, what would be different besides having another body in your bed?” What is it that you think is going to be so great about having someone around in the first place? Really stop and think about that. Think about why you want this so much and what you’re going to get from it and then look very carefully and thoughtfully at how you can---and we promise you, you can—begin to have some of that experience in your here and now—even before the mate materializes.

Why wait? If you truly want this dream mate to show up then you have to pave the way. And this means beginning to live the live that you want to share with a mate. It means being the person you want this mate to love and desire and want to be with. It means taking your attention off all the things you think this relationship that is yet to be will make right for you—and making those things right for you where you stand. And in the process, you make yourself right for the relationship that you seek.

Until you put yourself in the right place and the right frame of mind—a place where you are living the life and being the YOU that your future mate will adore—then you more than likely would not really want the ones who might show up in the interim. Be the you that you look forward to being when you are with the one you want . . . and the one you want will find you soon enough.

How do They keep telling me to love me—let me count the ways. Guilty as charged about the shopping list. I’ve been adding to the list of desired, if not required, traits for my future mate for as long as I can remember. It never occurred to me that I might give at least as much thought to how I want to be as I give to how I want him to be.

I can always count on The Team to make it all about me. Even when I think it’s all about someone to love me. And that leaves me willing to give my role in the pursuit of the elusive LTR a lot more thought. And it leaves me feeling, for the moment, completely focused on becoming an even more lovable me.

Getting Mad Is Even Better

I never threw temper tantrums as a child. Apparently I was a nauseatingly good boy from the moment I popped out. These days, however, I find that I’m not always so well-behaved. Every now and then I get really honked off about some situation or circumstance that I don’t like and that feels like it’s been going on way too long.

It doesn’t feel particularly evolved or enlightened to punch out my pillow or pound the shower stall walls . . . but I have to admit . . . sometimes it feels embarrassingly good. So rather than beating my fist--or head--against the wall, I decided to ask The Shower Team if maybe, just maybe . . . getting mad sometimes means getting better?

We would so much rather see you get angry than sad. We would much rather see you yell and kick and scream and stomp your feet and shake your fists—even at us—than to see you pull the covers over your head or hide your face in your hands or beat yourself up. The reason for this is because anger usually feels better to you than despair or depression or discouragement. And we want to see you feeling better and better, because as you allow yourself to make the emotional journey from despair or disempowerment and depression to rage or to blame or to anger or frustration, then you are at least moving in the right direction—toward empowerment.

When you feel desperate or discouraged or sorrowful, you also tend to feel stuck there in a place where you have very little control. You feel helpless. You feel lost. These are all lies, but in that state you believe there really is very little you can do. When you allow yourself to move up from there to anger, you feel more empowered. When you are angry, you feel energy moving again. You want to act even if it’s just to hit someone or to yell or scream . . . And although we would not recommend hitting someone and would hope for you to continue that emotional journey from anger to even better feeling states, we would still much prefer to see you throw a hissie fit about where you stand in relation to your desires because that is one of the most powerful indicators that you are recognizing that things are supposed to be better than you’re letting them be.

In this feeling of anger you are acutely noticing the difference between what your desires have called you to and where you are holding yourself. We don’t blame you one bit for being pissed. In fact, we celebrate your hissie fit . . . we applaud your tantrums . . . and we would offer to you that if you will recognize the power of the desire behind that anger, and turn your attention toward increasingly better feeling thoughts that channel that power, you will be begin to see the faster progress that you want.

Allow your anger to lead you to action, but make it action that continues to move you up that emotional scale, from rage and anger to frustration and irritation to impatience to resolve and determination to calm hopefulness and so on and so on . . . Recognize that anger is often experienced as a powerful form of relief and therefore, can be a powerful step in a more positive direction. Recognize and appreciate that fact rather than judging yourself harshly for your anger. Recognize and appreciate the guidance that you are receiving and simply continue to turn in the direction of what brings you relief—even if it leaves those observing you shaking their heads and wagging their fingers.

When you can’t help noticing that you are not where you want to be and you KNOW that you are supposed to be feeling better than you are—and when the only other options you can find or feel are discouragement or depression, we would respectfully suggest that you get pissed—and get the ball rolling back in a better feeling direction.

Permission to get pissed has apparently been granted! Maybe it’s not the warmest and fuzziest approach to feeling better . . . but I can sure vouch for the preferability of punching a pillow over self-flagellation. Nearly every single time that I’ve allowed myself to get angry about something in my life that doesn’t feel good . . . I’ve noticed myself starting to feel better.

So far, I haven’t turned into an angerholic. I’m pretty sure I’m still mostly a good boy. But it’s nice to know I have options when I get sick and tired of being sick and tired. It’s at least a slightly empowering thought. And that leaves me feeling freer to be me, even when that me is honked off. And that leaves me feeling, for the moment, just a little more assertively complete.

Deciphering Destiny . . . Figuring out Fate

I heard someone on the radio recently discussing the concept of fate or destiny—and our perpetual fascination (some would say obsession) with answering the Big One: “Why am I here?”

It reminded me of my own questions--not only the Big One, but related ones about how much of what happens to us, how much of what we experience in any given go-round (assuming you believe we have more than one), is decided or otherwise determined before we get here? What about predestination? What about soul contracts? What about free will?

I couldn’t think of anyone better to ask than The Shower Team, so I tossed the Big One and its cousins at them . . .

You tell yourselves all sorts of things on this subject. Some of you choose to believe that your lives are essentially mapped out for you from start to finish and it is your job—or your “destiny” to simply find and follow the map. Others of you prefer to believe that it’s all basically a crap shoot and you just hope that the dice roll in your favor more often than not. Still others of you hold to the notion that
nothing is planned and that your experience is exclusively an exercise in free will, and you can become rather indignant at any suggestion to the contrary.

What we would suggest to you is that what you believe about this really only matters to the extent that it invites or interferes with your choice to let well being abound for you. You could choose to hold any of these positions or any combination of them and as long as you are having a great time either because of or in spite of it, you would be on the right track.

If pressed to answer a question about “What is fate?” or “What is destiny” we would offer that you do come forth into physical experience with some formed intentions. In other words, you do come here with some ideas about what you want your experience to be like or to be about. Some of you come forth with more specific or more focused or more powerful intentions than others. However all of you come forth with the intention of benefiting and expanding and becoming more as a result of your experience. None of you plan a miserable time for yourselves. None of you come forth understanding or being resigned to some silly notion that this will be a payback lifetime—designed to punish you for past sins. None of you come forth with some expectation of martyrdom for this go round because you were such a jackass the last time you were here.

We would also offer to you, that none of you decides before you come forth that there is ONE thing and one thing only that you must do here and that you must do it only one way and/or with only one person and in only one place at one certain time. In other words, you do not limit your options except, in some cases, to decide that you will focus your energy in either some general or some more specific way. For example, some of you come forth with the intention of having a particularly powerful experience of freedom. Some of you---many of you—come forth with an intention of being teachers or being individuals who will be focused on uplifting others.

Where we see you tripping yourselves up is in your holding of the belief that there is a particular and detailed plan or design for you made prior to your emergence into physical and that you must somehow stumble upon it or spend a good chunk of your lives fretting and fumbling and floundering until you—if you’re lucky—happen upon this holy grail where you can finally relax and do what you are ‘supposed’ to be doing.

In the simplest terms, your “fate” or your “destiny” is to have the most expansive, thrilling, fulfilling experience that you can have. You jump gleefully back into the ocean of your physical experience because, from your broader nonphysical perspective, you know what perfection it is . . . and you are eager to get back in there and to experience the breathtaking variety that is available to you and to respond to that variety by making new choices and forming new preferences and allowing yourself to expand and to grow and to experience all the delicious flavors of life that are available to you.

You jump back into that ocean because you know, from your broader nonphysical perspective, that you will learn how to swim and that you will be guided every step of the way by how you feel nd that as long as you listen to and trust your heart or your emotions or your inner knowing that you will not only survive but you will thrive . . . and your destiny is to make that experience as luscious and satisfying and enriching and stimulating and joyful as you possibly can.

Whether or not your intentions coming forth are more general or more specific doesn’t really matter much as long as you are following that guidance, because when you are following your guidance, you will know every single time you turn toward or turn away form your “destiny.’ As long as you are turning toward what delights you, what inspires you, what thrills you, what stimulates you, what lights you up, what turns you on, what makes your heart sing . . . then you are following your destiny.

So we would prefer that you all just sort of lighten up on this topic and rather than spend so much time scratching your heads and seeking ‘experts’ who can tell you why you are here this time, just pay attention to what really fires your rockets or floats your boat. No one---not even The Shower Channel—knows better than you what you should be doing in this or any other lifetime.

So if you want to decipher your destiny or figure out your fate . . . ask yourself the simpler questions about what makes you feel most like you . . . what makes you laugh or smile or sing or dance? What lights you up? What brings you your greatest pleasure and your greatest sense of satisfaction? The answers to those questions are your fate, your destiny, as you planned them when you were getting ready to dive back in to this ever expanding, ever evolving, ever thrilling sea you call a physical lifetime.

I wonder why I’m suddenly feeling like buying some water wings. Sometimes even I think The Team sounds a little like a Carnival Cruise line infomercial. On the other hand, it’s an awfully nice idea that we really do come here intending to follow our bliss—and that if we really will let joy lead, then we really and truly can’t get it wrong.

I bet all those fortune cookie makers are glad not everybody has figured this out yet. No doubt other questions will arise on this topic at some point. . . but for now and for me, it puts the Big One to bed. And it leaves me feeling, for the moment, fatefully complete.

Part III: Go To Your Dreams: Allowing As A Lifestyle

I continue to sit in the middle of questions lately about, for lack of a less over-used term, manifestation. Like most people I talk to about spiritual matters, I seem to be as fixated as the next guru on how to give form to my dreams, how to make them real—that is, how to get the stuff I want.

Clearly I’d never make it as a Buddhist. So as I sit here stewing once again in my impatient wondering about how to get from here to there and how to walk the talk . . . I talked again to The Shower Team about how to live my dream rather than just living with it . . .

What most of you do the moment that you return to conscious awareness every morning is to begin to throw your attention at the things that you remember from the day before that did not please you or to aim your attention at the things you anticipate in the day ahead that will not please you or to scatter your attention among the many things going on in your experience that do not please you . . . . And as a result you immediately begin to pinch off or to disallow the well being that is available to you for that day—even before your feet hit the floor.

Allowing or alignment is not a band-aid you slap on over a cut or scrape. It is not a pill you pop or an ointment you apply or a shot you take in the hopes that your life will immediately or soon thereafter snap back into shape. Allowing is not a step or two (or twelve) that you can follow for a while and then forget about. It is not a process that you can play with for a few days or weeks and then be done with. Allowing and alignment with your desires is a lifestyle—and for most of you, a lifestyle change. It is the difference between a crash diet before a vacation and fundamentally altering the way you approach food for the rest of your physical lifetime. It is a way of being and it is the way that we so want you to choose to be because as you ‘be’ that way, then all the well ‘Be’ing that abounds can flow so freely to you . . . and all that you desire—that is part of that ever-flowing stream of well ‘Be’ing can flow to you . . . or more specifically, you can flow toward it as you continue to make the choice that “well” is how you are going to be on all fronts.

We really want you to get a sense of the way that your life is a perceptual field of possibilities always competing for your attention. At any given moment there are multiple, countless options available to you in terms of where you beam your focus, what you throw your attention at and therefore, countless options available to you in terms of how you can feel about your life at any given moment. If you understand that how you are perceiving . . . what you are choosing to look at and how you are choosing to respond to the object of your attention is always—ALWAYS—determining how you are feeling—and that what you are thinking and how you are feeling are always a match to what you are experiencing . . . then you begin to understand the critical importance of choosing your focus consciously and deliberately with your sole aim being to feel as good as you possibly can about whatever you are focused upon.

We hear you pooh pooh much of this sort of talk as pollyannaish or as airy fairy positive thinking drivel and we hear you offer instead what sounds to us like the real drivel when you go on about the value or importance of being “realistic” or being “practical” or facing what is. And we continue to offer to you the idea that “what is” only is because that’s what you or others have given your attention to and so “it is” because you keep noticing it. As soon as you withdraw your attention from what is, it no longer “is” in the sense that you are no longer noticing or observing or caring or being particularly affected by it.

What we would so much like to see you do is to come to an understanding of the abundance, the wellness, the prosperity, the love, the passion, the satisfaction, the fulfillment, the success---the boundless and infinite joy and possibility that is ALWAYS in front of you if you will just allow yourself to notice it. It is a decision you can make anytime under any conditions—to give your attention to what feels better.

We would love for you to just try---just try—waking up in the morning and instead of letting your thoughts meander toward the least pleasant or most difficult or most worrisome thoughts available to you . . . for you to decide—to make a conscious choice—to flow your thoughts in the direction of anything you can think of that pleases you. We would encourage you, as soon as your eyes flutter open in your bed, to begin to consciously decide the direction of your thoughts. Consciously throw your attention in the direction of an idea that provokes eagerness or anticipation or joy . . . Begin to wonder what wondrous and satisfying and surprising things might come your way that day. Begin to ponder the fun you could have, the satisfaction you might experience, the pleasure that could be available to you at work or play. Begin to imagine your day going beautifully. Begin to imagine yourself being joyful and content and engaged and satisfied . . . Literally decide as you lay there in your bed, fresh from your dreams, that it WILL be a good day.

You’ve practiced not doing this for most of your physical lifetime and we would, somewhat respectively, ask “How’s that working for you?” And then we would, also somewhat respectively, suggest that you not knock this alternative we are offering until you have tried it. Go to your dreams as frequently and fervently as you’ve deviated from them . . . give it a shot. All you’ve really got to lose is your lack of progress toward those dreams, in our admittedly not so humble opinion.

Well somebody thinks pretty highly of Themselves. Is it just me or am I getting wonderfully varied renderings of the same answer to my question? I wonder how many rounds I/We could go and keep getting yet another response that is basically telling me to do what I already know to do but keep hoping I can somehow get a shortcut around.

Somehow the idea to “Go to my dreams” . . . has just a fresh enough feel to it to intrigue me. I don’t have to get hit over the head (much) to get the point. So I will give it a shot and let you know how it goes. Just having that much of a plan feels enough like progress to keep me in the game for another round, and to let me feel, for the moment, playfully complete.

Part II: Cut The Gap!

Well, I’m here reporting from the Gap again. I have been accused (unfairly, of course) of getting stuck in my thinking on occasion. to the point where I can miss a point as plain as the ample nose on my face. In this case, I seem to have a bit of gap fever going on. Again, it has nothing to do with casual wear, but rather with my desire to jump quickly from where I am to where I want to be.

So once again, I asked The Shower Team about this particular brand of leaping—and how I can get the knack of it.

You are trying to understand better this distance between where you stand and where you want to be, this so-called “gap” and how to bridge it. And while you are on the right track in your desire to bridge that space that you perceive as a gulf or separation between you and the You who has what you are asking for, We want you to consider that there is a faulty premise at work here—and that faulty premise, or misconception, is the notion of the gap itself.

What we want you to begin to get a sense of is the reality that there is, in fact, no gap—only your perception of one. The You that sees all that is going on from your broader perspective has no such gulf or gap to contend with. That You already knows the joy, the exhilaration, the satisfaction of the having of what you want. That You feels, sees, experiences no distance between any desire or dream of yours and the receiving or manifesting of that desire.

It is from your limited, physical view that you perceive this gulf, and from that view, you hold yourself apart from the You who immediately becomes one with your desire as soon as you launch it. Pay attention to the ways that you describe your desires, or more specifically, the ways that you talk about having what you want to yourself or others. Listen carefully to what you say. More often than not it sounds something like: “Yes, some day I will have the abundance that I wish for . . .” or “One day down the road I will meet the mate of my dreams . . . “ or “Maybe in a few years I will be able to find a job that really fulfills me . . . “

Even now in your pursuit of understanding for how to “close the gap” between where you are and where you want to be, your focus is as much or more on the gap as it is on the elimination of it. If you keep going on about a gap that needs to be closed then you run the risk of just getting more gaps to close. And again, we want to offer to you a perspective where there are no gaps, where there is only the space between the thoughts you are practicing. There is only the proximity between you and You that is the difference between wanting what you want and having what you want.

Rather than spending time trying to trudge across some imagined chasm, we would encourage you to imagine yourself in front of a mirror, seeing You . . . but the You in the glass is the You who has what you desire. This You looking back at you is living the life that you dream of, receiving all that you are asking for. How is that You different? What is different about that You compared to the you on this side of the glass? How does that You look and feel? What is He/She doing? What does He or She say?

Now imagine that the glass separating you from You becomes permeable . . . as immaterial as air . . . so that you can reach through it and touch the You on the other side. Imagine you and You becoming one. Imagine you inhabiting You on the other side of this barrier that no longer exists.

You might say this is just fantasy or yet another exercise in using your imagination to trick yourself or to act as if you actually create your own experience, and we would say that is exactly right and that it is your imagination that is key to the closing of this imaginary “gap” of yours. You choose to make this imagined gap real by the way that you perceive it and think about it. You make the gap real and the having of what you want a fantasy, and in doing so, you hold yourself apart from it. You create the gap and then you create all this work for yourself in trying to close it.

How would you be different, feel different, act differently, if there were no gap--if you could easily inhabit the You on the other side of the looking glass? We promise you that if or when you allow yourself to be, to think, to feel the way You are when You are receiving what you desire, then all perceived gaps or barriers dissolve as easily and quickly as the imagined glass between you and the You on the other side of the mirror.

To start, decide that you will speak no more of gaps. Speak instead of bridges. Carry the image of You on the other side of the glass around with you . . . and regularly see your Selves reaching through the glass to become one. Speak of how much closer and closer you are drawing to your dreams. Speak of the progress you are making. Speak of distance only in the past tense, in terms of how far you’ve come. Speak of what is desired in terms of nearness, closeness. Take yourself nearer and nearer to your desires by finding ways to create the experience of feeling what it will be like to be the You who has received what you want.

Put even a fraction of the effort you expend in holding the image of or laboring to somehow get across “The Gap” into placing yourself smack in the middle of being the You who has what you want. We promise you that all this talk and this fretting about gaps will soon seem like so much “Gapola.”

You gotta love spirit guides who can get into word play. You may also have to wonder how many times I have to be reminded that most everything I complain or ask about is all in my head. In a manner of speaking I suppose, We/They are pretty much all in my head.

In any case, bridges do sound better to me than gaps. And if Alice could slip through the looking glass why can’t I? It’s a magical thought that leaves me feeling like a very cool character in a story I get to write. And that leaves me not only feeling far less hung up on gaps—for now—but also for the moment, imaginatively complete.

Cancel The Race and Enjoy the Ride!

I like to think that I’m not the only person (mystic or otherwise) in the world who gets hung up sometimes on what I’m not getting or feeling from some of the people in my life.

I freely acknowledge that even thought I may be one of the world’s biggest introverts, and to many onlookers, a rather self-sufficient fellow, I still find myself wanting (craving?) attention sometimes—and particularly the kind of attention that feels like support and encouragement and approval from those I call my friends.

So when somebody I really want those things from doesn’t exactly step up, in my humble opinion, or for whatever reasons, doesn’t offer what I deem to be the appropriate levels of positive feedback and/or applause for some achievement I’m waving around in their face, it tends to become an ‘issue’.

And so, suspecting that I would once again hear that I and not someone else, am the problem, I asked The Shower Team, “What can I really and truly understand that will help me get past this need of mine for someone else to validate or approve of me?"

You rightly ask in this as in most situations, “How can I feel better about this?” because in this as in most situations where you are focused upon what someone else is doing or not doing to please you, the real issue is what you are doing or not doing and how you are creating the feelings that you wish to change. In this case, where someone you care about is not offering the kind of support or encouragement or the level of sharing that you desire, you are not wrong to want those things. It is perfectly normal and justifiable for you or anyone else to desire the participation of those you care about in the experiences that matter to you.

Where you trip yourself up is in your insistence upon this participation at all costs and more important, the ways that you choose (consciously or not) to compete with others for the good feelings that are available to you. When you stand where you are, relative to any topic, and allow your well being to be diminished in any way by someone else’s response—or nonresponse—to you, then you are effectively saying, “I measure my happiness or my success or my well being at least in part by the degree to which this individual offers his or her stamp of approval to me.” When you need someone else’s validation or encouragement or support in order to offer that validation or encouragement or support to yourself, then you are making that person the judge responsible for awarding you the points you feel are necessary in order for you to win—to be validated or to be verified or to stand where you are with a sense of approval about yourself.

In a sense, it is as if you believe, once again, in a finite amount of approval or validation available to you from the Universe and therefore you are continually reaching for ways to win or achieve it . . . usually by making someone else the dispenser of it . . . You decide that this person or that person has some ultimate authority to proclaim you worthy and you set out to win that person’s approval (often in the form of their support or encouragement or positive feedback) and then if it does not come, then you make the absence of that approval or validation from that one source the criteria by which you judge yourself worthy of unworthy of well being or success or contentment or peace or whatever you call the good feelings that you seek.

You are continually turning your efforts to feel good about yourself into a contest or competition or a race that you must win, with the prize being someone else’s to give. Whereas we would encourage you to recognize that there is no competition under way. There is no contest for the well being available to you. There is not a limited supply of awards or approval for you and there is not one person anywhere who has the authority to declare you worthy or unworthy.

There is no race and no finish line and no panel of judges. There is only a smooth and enjoyable ride downstream or a rocky and laborious struggle paddling upstream—and either one is your choice. You can choose to engage in some imagined contest for limited resources and an even more limited supply of rewards or you can recognize that the joy of your ride has to do only with the way you are approaching it. We would rather see you enjoying the scenery and the sweet, swiftly flowing current carrying you downstream and simply notice those around you enjoying their ride and in the process, recognize that the enjoyment of that ride is all any of you really have control over.

We would atually encourage you to put on the rose-colored glasses so many of you joke about, where you can see only the pleasure that is all around you and to relax into the sweetly floating raft that will inevitably carry you in the direction of your dreams and desires as soon as you stop trying to buck the current and as soon as you let go of your compulsion to call out to this one or that one and ask “How am I doing?”

Told you they’d say it was all about me. Do I know my Team or what? One of the hardest things for me to hear sometimes is how competitive I can be. I much prefer the sweeter, compassionate, soulful and sensitive Pisces hat that I normally (try to) wear. But when They put it that way, it’s hard to argue that I’m out to snag someone’s stamp of approval in these situations.

And what’s really curious is that as soon as I put the focus back on just doing my thing and having as much fun at it as possible—the approval or support or participation from others always seems to follow. It leaves me, once again, digesting the truth that it is, in fact, all about me—that is, what I think about me. And I’m thinking that a relaxing raft ride floating sweetly downstream in the company of appreciative others sounds pretty good. It leaves me with an “Ahh” of validation . . . and for the moment, sweetly complete.

Agreeing To Close The Gap

My thoughts have been turning a lot lately to the gap . . . Not the one where I buy my jeans, but rather, the one I can feel between where I stand and where I want to be. Specifically, I find myself wondering how to close that gap or gaps. Lots of presumably wise folks are putting out the message that we can have or do or be anything that we want if we just allow ourselves to believe and receive what the Universe is offering in response to our desires.

But when that gap between my desire and my mailing address feels like a journey only a starship could handle . . . how do I feel like I have a real shot at bridging that distance? I asked The Shower Team . . . “What can I do in order to feel like I can really get there from here?”

One very important thing for you to do in order to begin to close the gap between your desire and your belief is to genuinely agree with your desire. You must find your way to a place where you do not hold and practice a different or differing opinion or thought from what it is that you want. You must ask yourself, “How do I really feel about this coming to me? In what way, if any, am I holding or practicing a thought that contradicts the receiving of this desire?”

Only when you can completely agree with what you’ve asked for can the Universe fully, completely yield it to you. And the more specifically you are asking, then the more specifically you must be agreeing. What you want must seem—must FEEL—possible to you, or better yet—probable or likely or like a logical progression for you. It must feel real to you, not like a fantasy or pipe dream. You must be able to literally see and feel yourself having it and feel no huge or quantum leap in believability. Your desire must seem plausible; otherwise you are holding a thought or pattern of thought that is contradicting that desire and making it much more difficult for the Universe to yield it to you.

So find ways to make it more and more believable. Look around and identify those doing what you want to do or having what you want to have and hold their example as a model or an inspiration. Identify ways that the Universe has already yielded to you before and remember them and remind yourself that there are no quotas or limits or ceilings or restrictions on what you are entitled to, that there is more than enough of what you want to go around.

Look for any and every way to build your belief in what you desire, even if it means turning a deaf ear to every contradiction you encounter. Care more about the having of what you want than how you look or sound to anyone else. Care more about your desire than any statistics that say it is off limits to you. Cultivate the passion you have for what you want with a single-minded, enthusiastic focus. Talk yourself into believing what you want is obtainable, no matter how many reasons you are given for doubting it.

This is the real action that produces the results you crave. This is the real effort required of you that yields the progress that you seek toward realizing your dreams. There is truly nothing that is simultaneously easier and more demanding than allowing yourself to believe that what you want is yours for the asking. But we say to you and will continue to say to you that nothing less will bring your desires to life for you. The only one you must—and you absolutely must—convince, is yourself.

Okay, so I’ve got to at least begin to see the gap between where I am and where I want to be as a bike (helicopter?) ride rather than a space voyage. I’ve always thought of myself as a relatively agreeable fellow, but as I pose these questions to myself about the extent to which I really agree with the having of what I want . . . I see that I am offering lots of arguments about how unlikely the having of those desires really is.

At least I know that the only thing I’m really up against is my own disbelief. And as I begin to look for ways to punch holes in the implausibility of my desires . . .I am already feeling a tiny bit closer to that point on my horizon that I’ve been eyeing . . . and also feeling, for the moment, more agreeably complete.

"It Doesn't Matter" . . . I Said/They Said

After spending more years studying psychology that I’m prepared to make public, it shouldn’t be surprising that I have a tendency to try to analyze things that aren’t going so well in my life or to try to figure out why I’m not feeling or doing better than I sometimes seem to be feeling or doing.

Particularly when some situation or set of circumstances in my life feels somehow unjust or undeserved . . . I tend to respond by playing detective and trying to get to the bottom of the issue, and, I confess, more often as not, I also cope by complaining to anyone who’ll listen.

It’s probably also no surprise that I get very little encouragement for this approach from The Shower Team, who finds far less value in anything I’m likely to uncover as I rummage through whatever garbage or grudge that seems to be getting in the way of my well being. Of course, that doesn’t stop me from trying to argue my case . . .

They said:

Generally speaking you and most others equate being right with feeling better. You spend extraordinary amounts of energy and effort and time trying to justify your feelings and your point of view and often you refuse to budge in a better feeling direction until your position—whatever it may be—has been validated. You insist that someone agree with you about how bad your situation is or how badly you’ve been treated . . . you insist upon having some company for your misery and until you get it, you will often hold yourself in a place of discouragement or frustration or anguish with remarkable determination.

I said:
“But sometimes I AM justified in my feelings. Sometimes my feelings WERE hurt by someone and I deserve to be treated better than that . . . “

They said:

No argument with any of that. Sometimes you are perfectly justified in feeling the way you feel about whatever you are focusing upon. Sometimes your feelings in response to someone else’s actions are perfectly understandable and to that we say “It doesn’t matter.” What matters is where you stand now in relation to where you want to be and how you want to feel . . . and regardless of how justified you may be in your anger or sorrow or frustration you cannot take yourself to a better feeling place by digging in your heels and demanding that someone else take action so that you can have peace or some other form of relief.

I said:
But . . . what about when some situation that I’m in is really bad . . . What about when I can’t pay my bills or when I can’t find work or just can’t seem to catch a break. That’s a real-live set of facts that is pretty depressing and sometimes very hard to rise above. Easy enough to just say “think happy thoughts” but it’s damn depressing, for example, when the bills keep coming in and there’s not enough paycheck to go around.

They said:

Once again, all very understandable and justifiable feelings—to which we say, “It doesn’t matter.” You are where you are with those or any other circumstances or conditions in your life, and the only real power you have in that or any other troubling situation is your point of view . . . and no matter how justified your depression or despair, you have the power to begin to improve that situation by first improving your perspective. What you typically say is, “Well my perspective will improve when my conditions improve,” and we say, that’s how you think it works but the opposite is really true . . . Improve your point of view . . . shift your focus in a more positive direction and your conditions will start to improve. As long as you are focused on the struggle that is—whatever the nature of that struggle may be—then your situation cannot quickly or significantly
improve.

I said:
“But how am I supposed to improve my perspective when all I can see are reasons to be worried or depressed or irritated?

They said:

You start right there where you are, standing right in the middle of whatever is bringing you down and you start to practice selective attention. You start to look for even the tiniest reason to feel better about some aspect of your experience. You put those detecting and analyzing skills to truly good use. You fish and fish and hunt and hunt until you find something about your life that you can like . . . and then you look for another and then another . . . and if you can’t find anything at all to feel halfway good about (highly unlikely) then you make it up. Use your imagination to come up with something that feels better than the focus upon your troubles . . . and as you reach for one better feeling thought after another, you will start to feel your mood lighten and your spirits lift . . . and you will begin to see the power that you have in this or any situation to control the one thing that you always have control over: your perspective.

We say and will continue to say to you—one and all—that it truly does not matter what you are experiencing where you stand. It does not matter how you got there. It does not matter what anyone else has done to you. It does not matter how bad you feel physically or otherwise. It does not matter how gloomy current conditions may be looking. You always have the power to improve those conditions by deliberately shifting your attention to anything that feels better to focus upon, and as you practice that kind of choosing your focus . . . you cannot help but feel the improvement in your mood or vibration . . . and as your mood or vibration improves, your circumstances cannot help but improve as well.

Apparently I’ll argue not only with my self but also with my Higher Self. The good news is that, although I may not always be right . . . I/We always end up making sense. Sometimes I hate that. Mostly I just try not to give myself too hard a time for the trouble I often have following My/Their advice. When all’s said and done, I usually come around to the pretty flawless logic of a broader perspective. And when I can manage to get out of my own way, improved conditions invariably follow even a slightly improved perspective.

It’s yet another example of how stubbornly I can resist my own well being and how much better off I am when I realize what I’m doing. It leaves me humbled . . . grateful . . . hopeful . . . and for the moment, arguably complete.